digitalBush

2009 was a trying year for the Bush family. To us, this will be known as the year in which we brought a child into this world. A year ago I had no idea what that really meant. Honestly, tonight I still don't fully understand it. What I do know is that my wife and child are asleep in the rooms next door and that I'm sitting here worried about what 2010 will bring for them; for us.

For me, this year I found out what it feels like to be truly worried. So far, I've worried whether or not I would be a good father. I've worried about my wife's safety while delivering our son. Most of all though, I've worried about Hudson himself. The burden of responsibility for a child is huge. I wasn't prepared for the intense amount of worry that I would have for Hudson's well-being.

He's 4 months old now and I'm not sure I've slept a full 8 hours since that incredible day. It's not because I haven't been given the opportunity. I just find myself waking up at odd times in the night with an incredible urge to go check on him. I get up, sneak into his room, lean over his crib, and touch his head while making sure he's still breathing. Seriously, just typing that makes me want to stand up and repeat that sequence of actions. A father's calling to protect his family is that strong.

I have no idea what 2010 holds for us. I felt like I lost control of my environment in 2009. Really I was just hanging on for dear life. I didn't accomplish nearly what I had planned. That's okay though; everyone is alive and we're moving forward. Here's to 2010! I wish you all a blessed year.

I've been a little absent from my blog lately. I've been busy, deal with it. If you are a regular reader, you'll know that my wife and I have a baby boy on the way. So, I've been doing a lot of preparing lately.  There is quite a bit to do to get ready for a baby.  I've also been doing a lot of thinking.  These types of life changing events don't come without some mental preparation too.

My wife and I are currently living in a small house.  It's suited us just fine and will continue to serve us well over the next few years. Even so, getting a room ready for baby has been, well, a chore.  You see, what is to be this child's room was once the spare bedroom/junk room.  I didn't realize how much crap that one could acquire in 5 years.  We've been going through this junk and deciding what to keep and what to toss.

The room is emptied, now what?  Well, it's time to paint. If all goes well, that will be done tomorrow.  I'm sure it won't since I didn't get near the prep work done that I wanted to do tonight. Regardless, this weekend is going to be it. Then  we'll need to assemble the furniture that we spent the past several weekends shopping for, buying, waiting on delivery, and picking up.  Finally, we'll be decorating the place in stuff that is "cute" and "cuddly" which are two words that I'm not too accustomed to. Finally, after we've gotten the baby penthouse done, then it'll be stocked with diapers, ointment, wipes, snot suckers, and whatever else it is that is needed for the little one's scheduled maintenance and servicing. 

image courtesy of michelleannb

What you don't realize is that all of this is just a distraction.  You see, noob parents like ourselves do all of this excess preparation to keep our minds off the reality of "OH SHIT! I'm about to be a parent and I have no idea what to do!"  It's not that it feels scary, or at least that emotion hasn't hit me yet. Right now, I feel like I need to provide the baby with the best and safest environment I can provide.  My awareness is heightened regarding my family's overall safety and well-being.   

The people around me have been very encouraging.  I've received quite a bit of advice for everyone. When I stop to think about it, I can put my worries aside and realize that this is an absolute blessing.  It is going to be amazing to see this child grow and develop into someone who is like me in ways yet unique in others.  I look forward to guiding him to being a responsible person who contributes to society.  I can show him my values and morals.  I can teach him my knowledge.  In the end, he'll take all of that, and make his own life out of it in his own direction. 

I have no idea what the future holds for my wife, my unborn son, and myself.  What I do know is that I'm prepared to handle whatever is coming.  Look out world, version 2.0 is coming.  I can't wait to meet this little guy.