Don’t Worry Ma’am, I’m a Computer Scientist!

[Queue superhero theme song.] When there are bits and bytes to be wrangled into submission, I will be there.  If it uses electricity, it will yield to my hands.  There is no problem to strong to overcome my trusty tool belt armed with a compiler and debugger. I will solve the worlds greatest problems! [Graphic of computer blowing to pieces as I pound my fist through it.]

[Useless Office Employee] :Heard down the hall: Help! Help!  The copier won't work and I have 30 copies to make of my Tupperware party invitations for the office!  What will I ever do?

[Computer Scientist] *Ring*  Hello.

[Useless Office Employee] I have an emergency!  The copier won't work.  I need your help quick.

[Computer Scientist] Ummm.

[Useless Office Employee] If I don't get these important documents copied, the world is doomed!

[Computer Scientist] Well, I'm sure that the copier repair man could fix it, there is a number on the side of the copier for the service ...

[Useless Office Employee] ...I don't have time for that!  You went to school for this, just come down here and take a look.

[Computer Scientist] Actually, I didn't go to school for copiers, I'm a software devel...

[Useless Office Employee] ...A copier is just a big computer, come down here now.  It will only take you a minute to figure it out, I know it!

[Computer Scientist] Uh, alright.  I'll be down there in a second.

[Computer Scientist] *Pauses for a minute to calm down and ensure lunch doesn't make an encore appearance*  Ugh, I guess I should go see what the problem is.

[Useless Office Employee] :Heard down the hall: Argh!  What could be taking so long!

[Computer Scientist] *Grumble* What's seems to be the problem.

[Useless Office Employee] The copier won't work.

[Computer Scientist] Could you be more specific?  What's it doing?

[Useless Office Employee] I don't know! Just fix it!

[Computer Scientist] Well, it says here on the screen that it is out of paper.  Did you look at the screen?  **Really thinking: "You can read, right?"

[Useless Office Employee] Oh, that's not what it was doing a minute ago.  It was flashing lights and making funny noises!

[Computer Scientist] Sure, whatever.  Here, I'll put some paper in here for you.  That should fix it.  What is so important for you to need copied immediately anyway?

[Useless Office Employee] My Tupperware party invitations! Look at this flier I made online, isn't it sooooo cute?

[Computer Scientist] :Walks Away:

This has been another exciting tale of the computer scientist.  Tune in next time to see computer scientist take on such daring foes as the phone system, fluorescent lights, or his arch-nemesis the fax machine!

  • Aaron

    Sounds like a typical day to me.

  • George

    HA! This happens with the in-laws too. “George, I can’t get my Weather Bug gadget to show me my email. Can you figure out how to fix it? Oh, and my toaster is burning my bagels. Look at that too.”

  • Wissam

    Try getting a call to fix the office power supply…