digitalBush

I'm 4 months into my weight loss adventure this year and I've managed to lose 15 pounds so far.  I'm past the point where I would normally fail and fall back into my old eating habits.  The other day I was reflecting over past weight loss attempts and realized why this sucks so bad.  The hard part about losing weight isn't the diet or the exercise (provided you are doing sensible things here).  The thing that is hard to overcome is me. 

Photo courtesy of Josh Hunter

You see, for years I've eaten whatever the heck I wanted.  Really, it has been that way since I can remember.  I was always a big guy growing up, but my activities kept my weight reasonable.  Fast forward to now and I have a job where all I do is sit all day.  My eating habits just caught up to me and now I have a problem on my hands.  When I look back at my high school pictures, I look skinny compared to what I look like now.  It's amazing really.  Back then I knew I was big.  Now I just want to get back to the weight I was at way back when.  That means that now I must be REALLY BIG.

Okay, so I am really big. There's a word for that, it's called obese.  Isn't that a nasty word?  Our stupid American politically correct culture wants us to not use offensive words.  You know, you might hurt someone's feelings.  The problem is that by not saying anything, you are just contributing to a greater problem.  ACCEPTANCE.  By accepting people's unhealthy weight, you are doing them a disservice. You are allowing them to be comfortable with a lifestyle that will ultimately lead to diabetes, coronary artery disease, or maybe cancer just to name a few.  Being overweight because you eat too much and don't exercise is just as bad as smoking.  It's just another poor life decision.

Here I am.  I weigh 281 lbs and I am 6'5" tall.  My BMI is 33.3 which places me firmly in the obese category.  In order to rid myself of that label, I must reach a weight of 252.  Last year I would have told you that BMI was a crock-of-shit.  Denial is an evil thing.  All I was doing was overlooking the facts so that I could feel okay about myself.  All of my previous attempts at losing weight failed because of this attitude: "What's the worst that could happen?  If I don't lose weight I'll just be like I am now.  I'm awesome."

I am awesome.  My health isn't.  I'm going to continue to fight to get my weight down.  I'd rather not miss out on important things in my life because I'm either sick or dead.  Food just isn't worth that.  I'm come to terms with my present condition and where I want to be.  I just need to keep my spirits up in order to get there.  These mind games we play on ourselves suck.  It's too easy to get depressed and give up.  This time I'm trying to stay positive.  If I'm making progress towards my goal, then I'm winning.  This is nothing more than a battle of will.  Suck on it emotions, I'm losing this weight and winning this battle.

Damn, I'm so close!  This month was a good weight loss month for me.  I just weighed in at 281 lbs which makes my weight loss from last month 4 pounds.  I was shooting for 5 lbs this month, but it didn't quite happen.  It's okay though, because I'm still losing weight.  Any month I can record a weight loss is a good one for me. 

What did I do right this month?

Photo courtesy of blumpy

My diet is spot on.  I'm very proud of how well I'm managing my food and drink intake.  I still have times when I eat too much or eat something bad, but for the most part I'm good.  I'd say my diet is about 80/20 right now.  80% of the time I'm eating very healthy and the other 20%, not so much.  The good news is that I don't have to feel guilty about the 20% because of my progress.  It keeps me from getting frustrated and that lack of frustration is enabling me to move forward. 

Where did I fall short this month?

Well, yesterday I ate a big ol' mess of fried food for lunch and that most likely didn't help my weigh in today.  Also, I still feel like I could be exercising more.  I feel a little weak at times, so that tells me I need more.  Fortunately it's warmer outside, and that means I have to mow the lawn and tend to the garden. 

What's in store for this month?

May is my birthday, so I'll be doing nothing spectacular for that.  I might enjoy a slice of cake and chill with some friends.  I'm still in the 280's and that sucks.  I'll be out to remedy that problem this month and make a dive for the 270's in a major way.  276 lbs is my target weight for the end of May.  So far this year I've lost 15 pounds.