Please beat your kids, Round 2

Several months back, I fired off a blog post on the spur of the moment that drew quite a bit of attention.  5 months after the post was originally published, the post is still drawing a stray comment and quite a few page views.  I am truly amazed at the power the Internet can wield for a single person.  It was so controversial that I just had to follow this up in some official capacity.  My buddy Brandon has been the voice of reason in the comments.  He actually understood my humor and got the real message behind the post.

I had to go back and re-read my post just to make sure I wasn't missing something.  Nope, it's written just the way I intended it.  If you read the comments however, you start to get a grim picture of who I apparently am.  Apparently I'm some sick twisted individual that runs around whooping the shit out of everything thing that moves.  If it's smaller than me and alive, then I take pleasure in abusing it.  When I'm not busy bringing the thunder to innocent creatures, I like to rape people.  Oh, one more thing, I will burn in hell. 

Of course, it's all bullshit.  People who disagree with you tend to try and bring you down to their level.  Only one commenter disagreed and did so in a respectful manner.  Amazingly, some people agreed with me too.  I think that those people understood that I wasn't talking about abusing your children.  I was talking about disciplining your children.  There is a difference.  Abusing your children is wrong.  Spanking them to provide negative reinforcement is not abuse. 

The line between abuse and discipline differs by the intent of the person doing the discipline.  Are you punishing your child because you want them to be aware that what they are doing is dangerous or socially unacceptable?  If you said yes, then that is discipline.  Your discipline is a reactive measure for a proactive purpose.   On the flip side, are you punishing your children because you don't know of anything else to do?  Your kids just won't listen and you just want them to shut up?  If you said yes, then you suck as a parent and at the same time you are abusing your children.  Your discipline is a reactive measure with no actual long term purpose.

The way I see it is this:  If you have to punish your child, then they have to know the reason for it.  If you stick to your guns, then your child will know that behavior or action is unacceptable 100% of the time and will remember the punishment laid down.  If you have to whoop the hell out of your kids every day, then you have some serious communication issues.  No amount of beating is going to solve that barrier and will actually do more harm than good.  Your child has to know that you care about him/her and that your punishment comes with good intent for their long term well being.

Here, let me summarize this for you.  I'm sick and tired of seeing kids running around in the stores being loud, disruptive, and disrespectful.  Parents need to start taking responsibility for their kids actions and discipline them.  However they choose to do that is up to them.  Whatever is done, parents have to remain consistent.  If you say you are going to do something, then follow through with it.  I'm not buying into the whole politically correctness about raising your children.  I was raised a certain way and I'm proud of who I've become.  I want my kids to have the same morals and values that I do, so I will do what I can to make that happen. 

10 Comments so far

  1. Tyler Smith @ May 18th, 2008

    Absolutely spot on. I’m doing a speech on “Beating your Children” for English and I’ve used (and cited) several lines from your article. Rock on man.

  2. Hunter Sewell @ October 16th, 2008

    Damn right you should beat your kids. I got beat and learned really fast. These kids don’t know what pain is.

  3. j. christopher bennion @ December 2nd, 2008

    I don’t know you, but I think you must be ok. A great JQuery plugin AND sensible disciplining of children.

    Anyone who doesn’t get this is: unfamiliar with the hell of Javascript DOM manipulation AND never spent time working in the public school system.

    Bravo, good sir.

  4. james schultheis @ April 29th, 2009

    i’m a kid myself and i agree. ive been to one of my friend’s house and he was yelling at his parents about stupid shit and they were just taking it.

  5. Caia Anca @ May 18th, 2009

    It is not ok not beat your kids i have been beaten myself as a kid and i only ended up hating my parents . Im an addult 30 years old and i plan to have kids and i did read much about the subject on the internet , all i know its that i never want my kids or any other human been to suffer of the issues that i got becouse of how my parents treated me . If you are un open minded person try to find other solutions there must be thousands of ways on educating your kids . If you want them to hate you for it sure go ahead beat them up you will hate yourself later for it when the kids would break contact with you , you will end up lonely and all of this would be your own fault for not beying open minded enough .

  6. J.L. @ August 7th, 2009

    Well put, Josh.

    re Caia Anca: the issue is “why do the right thing?” for example, why should a kid not yell and scream in a nice restaurant? Our answer is “because it’s the right thing to do,” right? So you speak with your kid, explain your reasoning, and ask them to be quiet. If they get quiet, great. No need for this blog.

    If, however (and often is the case), they refuse to shut up, it’s because they don’t care about doing the right thing. According to Kohlberg, young kids do the right thing to avoid punishment, NOT because it’s the right thing to do. It’s time for an ass-whoopin. Therefore, WHILE you hit your kids with your belt, hand, etc, you explain your REASON for this current ass beating. Then, the next time you are in a restaurant, your kids will be quiet. Again, they’re not doing this because it’s the right thing to do; they are doing it because they know there’s a punishment involved with their acting out in public.

    (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stages_of_Moral_Development)

    Personally, I was hit as a kid, and I am FOR corporal punishment; I don’t resent my parents for it. I resent them for other reasons, hehe.

    Hope this helps. Again, great post, dude.

  7. CLM @ September 2nd, 2009

    Just came across this post while using your awesome masking jquery plugin, and I absolutely agree with you. I was ‘beaten’ as a kid, for the right reasons, and I’m really greatful that my parents did actually discipline me. I see SO many of the current generation with absolutely no respect for anyone or anything. And it’s simply a lack of discipline. And discipline, unfortunately for all the human rights people, come in the form of a hiding every now and then if you dont listen. So yes, bravo to you for being a decent parent.

  8. Michael Bryan @ November 26th, 2009

    I also agree. My grandfather raised me with a firm hand when needed and even after he has passed what I learned from it stays with me. If I tried to back talk my mom he corrected me. If I went into a public place and started making a scene for no reason, he corrected me again. I’m not going to lie and say I liked it, but it was a lasting lesson.

    It’s not as though there are not people out there who take it to an abuse level and they should be punished for it, but spanking and abuse are on two seperate levels. Why should decent parents be seen as abusers when they’re simply trying to teach their child a lesson?

  9. John @ April 26th, 2010

    I’m a parent of three and was a kid once myself. I got hit maybe twice during my entire childhood. But my mom could yell for HOURS. Not to complicate things, but what’s the difference between that and a beating?
    Anyhow, I think people are uncomfortable with the idea of using force in such an asymmetrical relationship. I get that. And yes, some kids were abused by parents, and that abuse often took the form of a beating. But none of that logically takes a good spanking off the table.
    I agree with the basic premise that there’s a time and place for physical discipline. Certainly the threat of it. It’s not a pretty thing to admit, but the threat of violence is at the root of a lot of civilization. The best of us try absolutely everything else before we resort to it, and many of us would rather give up our case rather than turn to violence at the end. But when you’re in charge of a child’s upbringing, you don’t have the luxury of that sometimes.

  10. joey @ November 17th, 2010

    @ Caia Anca i dont believe youre an “addult”.. your vocabulary is poor as well as your spelling. youre a child who is trying to send a message that beating is wrong so maybe your parents would stop. im 17 and been beaten… beat your kids…

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